I AM perfect…Period!

Yes, I said it, and I’ll say it again.  I AM perfect.  Why is it that we can say, “I found the PERFECT job!” or “I just purchased the PERFECT house!” or my favorite, “I just saw the PERFECT outfit!” but we refuse to say, “I am perfect”? Will it feel better if we purchased ourselves from some store or if we searched online for ourselves?  What would it take to say that we’re perfect? Because, seriously, even that PERFECT job, house, outfit, and so forth will have flaws, but we’d still consider them perfect as long as most of their qualities existed, right? Okay, well, we ALL have flaws, too, and what we lack in one area of our lives we gain in another. This is what makes us perfectly human. Yet, when things don’t play out the way we want we say things like, “I know I’m not perfect, but…” or “it was bound to happen because…” We set ourselves up for believing we are not enough by saying we are not “perfect”. Then because of our “imperfections” we go through our day blissfully content with not doing our best because, after all, we are “not perfect”, right? And what’s worst? Those of us that truly see nothing great about ourselves add insult to injury by believing if we thought just the tiniest bit of our greatness we’re acting out of ego so we dare not acknowledge it. We won’t advance through the door of opportunities because only “perfect” people would do that. This kind of thinking is exactly what causes us to fail. We’re already perfect without needing anyone’s validation. And you know what? Acknowledging only my imperfections led me to start counting on them and it allowed me to stay stagnant and complacent in the lower realm of life.  We also cause ourselves to stay in predicaments with people we should have walked away from moons ago. We make ourselves feel better by saying, “I am not perfect” and then hope that someone forgives our imperfections because we acknowledged it.  We are now validated by this person.  But, then what happens?  When we are no longer valid in this person’s eyes we deem ourselves an invalid and become even more perfect-less than we believed we were in the first place. I cannot tell you how many times tears fell from my eyes because I allowed someone to make me feel I was not enough. With just a handful of my tears I could’ve drowned the universe from existence. The size of the holes in our hearts keeps us from believing we can’t heal to the point that we become comfortable with not healing.  We become used to it, adding to our “imperfections”.  “Something must be wrong”, we tell ourselves because things just keep on happening unfailingly and we don’t understand why. “How can I be worth anything if I can’t get anything right?” Well, the truth is it’s not you that don’t get anything right; it’s the thing that isn’t right for you and that is something we all must realize. Talk about relationships, for example. When we can’t seem to keep a fellow or a gal we think something is wrong with us. “There is no way in heaven or hell I just can’t get it right. There’s just no way this keeps happening to me.”  If you know, I mean really know, you’ve honestly done your best as a person and mate-generosity, compassion, passion, consideration, everything you can think of-then despair no more for YOU WERE PERFECT and the pain that plagues you will soon pass as you slowly but surely realize it wasn’t your time yet. A relationship, a great job, money-none of these things make you perfect. Thinking this way only prolongs your pain and keeps you depending on something or someone else to define the real you. Despairing about falling or imperfections will not make you perfect and it will not help bring anything or anyone wonderful to your life, especially if you don’t believe it already exists; even if it’s at a different time. I know it’s hard to take in and it may feel like light years away before you start to believe this.  Hey, it’s taken me many years to realize this and I still struggle with this realization sometimes, but it doesn’t stop the facts from being. I exist. I am perfect. You Exist.  You ARE PERFECT so stand your perfect behind on the top of the highest mountain and scream as loud as you can, “I AM PERFECT!  Watch me ascend!”

“I exist. I am worthy of existing. I am worthy of existence.”

-Tamika S. Thomas

11/19/14

Advertisements

Who am I?

I am that broken down vehicle slowly dragging you down Memory Lane, Anger Avenue, and Lonely Street, but I am also those luxurious wheels driving you confidently towards Lover’s lane, Avenue Hope, and Fearless Expressway.  I confuse you, make you believe your worth adds up to only the cent you started with and then I butter you up, tell you that you can ascend to the highest cloud.  I feed off your lack of confidence, rip your heart at the seams, cause you to fall so low you have to look up to see the bottom of the shoes I wear to dance all over your spirit, then I extend my hand through the cemented ground, pull you up by your reluctant hand, and lead you through the doors of “Faith”.  I wipe your tears away with the same rag I used to blind you from your true self.  I am that enemy which you fear.  I am the friend which you depend.  I have two hands:  One that suffocates you and one that revives you.  I am that rollercoaster of enthusiasm and the fear that paralyzes you.  I am the reason you struggle and the reason you prosper.  I whisper in your ears, telling you I am the only one you need because I am all that you know, but then I turn back around and tell you to finally let go of the pain and heal through faith, family, and friends.  I am the dread that hovers over you like a dark cloud, allowing you to give up on yourself, yet I am that fire that burns within you like a volcano erupting, causing your adrenalin to wander freely above mountains where you can’t stop succeeding until you take your last breath…and even then I will make your spirit flourish.  I have you believing in love and then make that same love hurt you, leading you to believe that it does not exist for you in any form or fashion.  But it does, and when you feel that you’ve lost, there really is more and more, but I’ve tricked you because you let me.  I lie to you, bring up your past and tell you that your past will ALWAYS be your future then I push you towards a bigger and brighter one.  You love to love me and love to hate me; but don’t hate me.  Understand I can be tamed if you truly want me to be.  First, you need to understand why I do these things and work towards balancing me out.  You have all the power necessary to do this.  Don’t you get it?  You can achieve anything, live the best life you were born to live, and smile an infinite smile.  But know this:  I WILL hurt you if you let me.  It is time to control me.  You are not a stranger that I am giving permission to.  You know me quite well.  After all….I am your EMOTIONS.

-Tamika S. Thomas 10/28/14

FIRE and POWER

The anger that runs through my veins is like liquid fire running through the ruins of a damaged island.

There isn’t enough water to put it out; not enough wind to blow it in another direction so the volcano erupts, growing stronger…stronger, faster and faster.  This rogue fire needs water because it burns inside and although my flesh is dark-brown the color of red clearly shows in my expression, my words, and it gets harder and harder to hold it in.  This anger, this disease has a cure.  It is the power I have within, yet, I hold it in; instead of letting it go.  So this power-it plays hide-and-seek with me and I cannot find it sometimes.  But then, something happens.  My power reveals itself.  It tells me it was testing me to see if I would actually find it.  I tell it that I had help finding it; it was not me alone.  It says, “this is true.  Your actions and your will guided you and will continue to guide you as long as you ACT and have WILL”.  I sigh and exhale.  I am relieved, but then I inhale again, holding my breath because I know I will be “tested” again by my power.  I know, however, that this inhalation will bring about the birth of uncontrolled fire and it scares me to think of how much I have inside and what will happen if I lose control.  There is so much I am holding on to, but I have to take ACTION so that I let go.  I am willing.  I am able.  I am ready…to let go.

–Tamika   10/14/14

WHY I EXIST

Lessons and Love and Life-Oh, my!

WHY I EXIST

I had an epiphany this morning.  I don’t know why, exactly, but it was a blissfully-awakening epiphany that made me say to myself, “I get it now!”   You know how we question ourselves, wondering what our purpose in life is and no matter how much someone tries to convince us that we matter, we just don’t believe it?  They say, “Don’t worry.  As long as YOU love YOU then nothing else matters.”  Well, if it’s that simple, then WHY isn’t it so simple to believe it?  Well, the reason is so much deeper than that, from my point of view.   I could be wrong, but hear me out. J  Now, if we don’t know we have a purpose then we question why we exist; therefore, we end up deeming ourselves unworthy, giving us no reason to love ourselves.  Here’s a very simple and reasonable example:  A pencil…

View original post 521 more words

WHY I EXIST

WHY I EXIST

I had an epiphany this morning.  I don’t know why, exactly, but it was a blissfully-awakening epiphany that made me say to myself, “I get it now!”   You know how we question ourselves, wondering what our purpose in life is and no matter how much someone tries to convince us that we matter, we just don’t believe it?  They say, “Don’t worry.  As long as YOU love YOU then nothing else matters.”  Well, if it’s that simple, then WHY isn’t it so simple to believe it?  Well, the reason is so much deeper than that, from my point of view.   I could be wrong, but hear me out. J  Now, if we don’t know we have a purpose then we question why we exist; therefore, we end up deeming ourselves unworthy, giving us no reason to love ourselves.  Here’s a very simple and reasonable example:  A pencil is created.  If that pencil doesn’t know it can produce words it will feel worthless, existing without a purpose.  But, if the pencil KNOWS it can produce something, anything at all, it feels worthy and knows why it exists.  It will create beautiful words and art and anything else it could be used for.  (We’re, or course, assuming the pencil actually has feelings).   Still, It didn’t exist just to exist for itself otherwise it wouldn’t matter that it exists in the first place.  That’s how we feel.  We need to know there is at least one thing that makes us exist otherwise we will question why we are even alive; which leads to unhealthy thoughts, such as self-hatred, self-pity, and self-destruction, which then leads to depression, stress, and even suicide.  It’s unfortunate that since Day 1 of our existence, society interrupted our chances of finding out who we are on our own.  We don’t get the chance to know why we SHOULD love ourselves.  It taught us what we are supposed to do, have, and be in order to be accomplished, important, and purposeful.  We’ll spend a whole lifetime trying to do and be that which we are SUPPOSED to do, have, and be and when we cannot fulfil these REQUIREMENTS then something is wrong, we are inept, lacking what others have; and are therefore invaluable.   Now, allow me to be philosophical for a moment, would you?  I believe I HAVE MANY TALENTS. For one, I believe I am a great (yes, I said it, “great” writer) but, my being born couldn’t have been so that I can write FOR MYSELF.  If I existed simply to exist for myself than not existing wouldn’t matter, would it?  That would be like saying God put me here for myself, which makes no sense.  Sure, I’m here now so I could do what makes me happy by sitting in my room all day writing.  But then I would not be fulfilling my purpose of existing.  I’m limiting myself instead of RISING IN THE WORLD and SOARING so high that I am seen and heard by the world…especially by those that will be positively motivated and inspired by my words.  I have MANY reasons to exist; this is just one of them, but if there isn’t, then I’m not going to perish because I have other abilities, whether I chose to believe it or not.  Hey, we don’t die just because one cell in our body doesn’t deliver because we have other cells in our body that’s responsible for our makeup.  The bottom line is this:  NO ONE is here for NO REASON.  We ALL are here for a reason; we ALL just haven’t found what that reason is.  We exist!   It’s tough and a long journey, but let no one devalue what brings you joy.  If you give up on your potential then your potential will give up on you.  NOW search for something positive that makes you happy.  Cultivate it!  Focus on it and Rise because you do exist and you exist for a reason.  I know I do.

-Tamika S. Thomas 10/9/14

If I were rich…

You know how you say, “if I were rich, I’d buy ‘this’ or ‘that’, donate to charity, open up a business, feed the poor, and a host of other things we’d do if we were rich?  Well, I said those things, too but I changed my mind.  What I really would like to do to help people is to open up a special something for spiritual healing.  You see, when our energy is negative we have no desire to be motivated or inspired, have no or little faith in ourselves or the things we could become or do.  With negative energy our spirit cannot talk to us, it can’t get in, can’t assist us in our journey.  It doesn’t matter if I donated to someone so they can eat and eat again, have a place to stay, or any of that.  This will not bring their spirits to them.  It will not help them find themselves or be inspired.  Only they can do that but they need help in spiritual healing, positive navigation; that’s what they need.  So, when I become rich, I will find a way to help people’s spirit find them and help them find their spirit.

9/16/14

TODAY

TODAY I am in a very good and positive mood.  Why, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.  There’s a difference from being in a good mood and a positive mood.  A good mood, for me, is when someone didn’t piss me off.  That’s not exactly being positive.  It just means I’m not pissed off and I can go through my day in a non-pissed off mood.  Now, what am I positive about today, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you that, too.  I’m positive because I’m grateful that I am alive in the mist of learning that someone dear to a friend of mine is not.  I am grateful that I can read and write.  Not just simply reading and writing, but reading things and learning them whereas, I can apply them to my journey through life in order to reach my greatest potential.  I can write many, many things that can help lift people’s spirits when they feel alone, depressed, stressed, hurt, and can even contribute to people’s happiness!  I am grateful that I believe in myself and that belief allows me to smile and want to learn something and feel like talking to people, laughing with people, eating and drinking with people.  Yes, I am in a very good mood today and I accept that goodness TODAY, although tomorrow is another day…

The love shop-(where we depend on self-love)

Where do we shop when we want love?  To our favorite store, of course, called “Family & Friends LLC”.  You know that store.  We’ve all been there.  The problem is when we shopped there we only get a limited amount of love.  It runs out quite easily and then you’re left standing there when your family & friends don’t give you the love that you wanted.  Some of them turn their backs on you, betray you, or simply just don’t have the answers all the time.  Now, you’re stuck with your problems with no one to help you.  You question your worth because you valued their opinions of you more than you did yourself.  You spent more time allowing their perceptions of you matter.  And you use all of your strength to pay for a membership of “it matters what everyone else think”.  EVERYONE else is your director- Your road map-Your everything.  So, when that store runs out of love You’re depressed, stressed—just a piping mess!  Guess what?  We didn’t read between the lines.  We didn’t know there were terms and conditions on the love that we bought from “Family & Friends LLC”.  The terms are they are a limited liability company so they have limited responsibility, limited feelings and/or patience for the things that go on in your life.  YOU are the one responsible for the lack of love in your life.  YOU are who will pave the way to the life you will have.  Your accomplishments.  Your happiness.  Forever!  The good news is there is one place you can get all of this from.  One place that has enough love that will last you a lifetime.  One place that knows the true you.  The best you.  One place who knows your worth and how far you really can go.  Not your family.  Not your friends.  This place is real easy to get to.   It’s a place everyone’s talked about and you say you’re gonna try to get there but never quite make it there.  A place where there is unlimited love and the shipment is available whenever you truly need it…..INSIDE.  Yup, that’s it.  The place is INSIDE OF YOU.  I know it sounds like a cliché, but the truth is YOU are truly the only person to give you everything you need.  You just didn’t realize it because you depended so much on other resources and when they ran out of love for you…you thought you had or were not worthy of love.  Depend on yourself.  What are your skills and abilities?  Hone into it!  That’s where your love is!  Say your name a hundred thousand times in the mirror until you LOVE the sound of it!  No one can be you!  How amazing is that?  Believe me when I tell you, I’ve cried many days and nights because someone’s love or thoughts of me were limited.  Because I let it matter.  I let it become the truth.  But, then I started saying my name a hundred times (not really a hundred times), started writing and drawing again, started smiling every time I thought of how I would be a famous writer one day and meet all of these famous people, started running my fingers across the walls of my apartment and all the wonderful things that are mine.  These were all in the many aisles of the store I went to.  And now, it is the only store I rely on to give me exactly what I need.  I can’t express how much I restock whenever I am low on love…I ask for it from God, the Universe, and the Spirit and it is sent to me through express mail.  The love you need is INSIDE.  It takes a while to get there sometimes and sometimes you find yourself straying, but Take it from me…the more you enter that place…the more you will start to rely on it and you will never depend on any other place or anyone else for as long as you live.

Society made me do it

Society told me I was too small
I was too short so I couldn’t stand tall
I have many scars so I shouldn’t wear skirts
You’re soul isn’t clean; so you must be dirt
You hair is short; why isn’t it long?
When I look in the mirror I see nothing wrong

If I am unhappy then I should accept it
I shouldn’t complain and that I should just “YES” it
It told me to hate myself and not to complain
Not to go further and to just remain

To wear shades in the sun; but never at night
After Labor Day; never to wear white
Green and blue doesn’t match; wear different colors
Keep changing until you earn acceptance from others
Fairytales are for losers, face reality; not dreams
But nightmares are more prevalent in society, it seems

To spill your secrets to a priest that hides behind a door
That God can only hear you if you’re kneeling on the floor
If you don’t go to Church then you are not worth it
And whatever happens to you then you just as well deserve it

Go to school, graduate, and work for someone else
Society never tells you to work for yourself
And paying for education is the only way to learn
The more money you put out; the more money you’ll earn

I’ll no longer live by society’s game
I’ll wear a hundred colors and picnic in the rain
I’ll wear shorts in the winter and a coat in the sun
I’ll stay in all day and say I had fun
I’ll dance in heels when I “should’ve” worn flats
I’ll wear orange today when I “should’ve” worn black
I’ll wear sandals to a funeral and dare people to stare
I’ll dance to songs that people can’t hear
And if anyone says, this is what you “SHOULD” do
I’ll say Society couldn’t make me and neither can you!

Another one grows…

You know you don’t deserve what your ex has done and how it made you feel.  Surely, they don’t deserve you.    I mean, you moved mountains for them and they never even kicked rocks!  Get this!  You never even cried until you exhibited hatred for that person.  Your heart is broken and…HATE.  You were so good and patient….HATE.  How could you be such a fool…..HATE.

You gave your love, care, and concern.  Everything for NOTHING because you didn’t mean much of anything in the end and it hurts, right?   And it hurts even more to wonder how and why you should keep giving away your love just to have it thrown away.  Now, you have nothing because it was taken away, right?

WRONG!  The reason why you are hurt is because your worth is questioned…but by whom?  You?  Surely, it isn’t important that it was questioned by someone else, especially when it should be of no concern to you.  Most importantly, you believe you’ve given a part of you that you could never get back but you have the root of it all right inside of you.  YOU are the root.  The parts that you gave away were wonderful fruits that were enjoyed and each and every time you give something away…another one grows.  You can never give anything away that you haven’t got plenty of.  Like a beautiful tree that gets knocked down….it still grows back.