Goodbye, Diary!

A couple of years ago I threw away all my diaries.  You see, those words in my diary were that of sorrow, hopelessness, pity, and shame.  How things, people’s words and their intentions used to hurt.  But, I’ve finally realized, long ago, that it wasn’t the things people said that I believed- it was what I believed that people said.  I kept it going.  I gave it life.  I allowed it to matter and to be significant.  Getting rid of those diaries was the first step to walking through my door and understanding who I really am; not what someone else thinks of me.  Now, I write a whole new set of words…those words are not something to get rid of….but to live up to and to stay in my heart.  

RESPECT ME

If a king asked me to make him some tea

And a queen said, “thank you” for my good deeds

The president smiled back if I showed him my teeth

Then I would respect them because they respected me

 

If my boss gave me a raise because I went beyond

Didn’t crap on my name as if that’s where I belonged

Gave me a chance for a better opportunity

Then I would respect him because he respected me

 

If I ask for help from an officer of law

And he didn’t smirk at me or ask what I called him for

And if the judge actually took my side instead of the opposing party

Then I would respect him because he respected me

 

If I see a stranger on the street, she was poor with one leg

And I gave her five dollars without her having to beg

She would smile and shed a tear because she believed

That I respected her and so she respected me

 

No matter how low or how high you are

It is a level of respect that everyone deserves

If you deserve only a little than I will not give you a mile

I will not fall over myself  so you accept my smile

I will not add to your happiness while you’ve subtracted mine from me

I will only respect you ONLY if YOU RESPECT ME

That Kinda LOVE

Everybody wants that kinda love

The kinda, “I won’t hurt you on purpose” kinda love

And “I will try not to hurt you by accident” love

That “whenever you need me I’m there for you” love

“What you want for dinner?  I’ll make it for you” love

 

That, “did you have a nightmare?  I’ll be your dream” kinda love

“Are those tears in your eyes?  Let me wipe them for you” love

“Is that a cough that I hear?  I’ll make you well” kinda love

“I’m scared of that mountain, but I’ll climb it for you” love

 

That compassionate and full of passion kinda love

And “I’m doing it before you even ask” kinda love

That considerate kinda always wanna hear from you love

“I have goals, and guess what?  You’re a part of them” love

“I only have one, but I’ll give you half” love

“Even though you have plenty I’ll give you more” love

 

“When I’m near you I get chills through my body” kinda love

That “wow, I can’t believe you’re mine” kinda love

That “I have nothing but love and respect for you” love

“You are beautiful and an amazing person” kinda love

“But, if we part your love was certainly enough

To know there’ll never be someone like you” kinda love

 

VENGEANCE

Vengeance can actually create an adverse reaction. Whether someone deserves it or not vengeance is a selfish act and can result in someone else falling victim to your wrath. “But, I’M the victim!” you shout. Well, let’s review this scenario, shall we?

The scenario: My supervisor enjoys walking back and forth to my desk a hundred times a day pretending to use a copier that’s always broken. I’ve caught him staring at me several times when he didn’t think I was looking and a host of other things that I don’t have enough space to mention. Finally, I’ve become so frustrated that I expressed the situation to the office authority and was told I was paranoid even though others had witnessed it.

Casualty of my wrath: I desperately wanted my supervisor to pay for making me miserable and started thinking of getting him back without it backfiring but each possible resolution would have put me in hot water except for one thing. Wait until I had a load of important files and then call out sick. I thought, “I still have sick days, don’t I?” But if I did that someone else would be responsible for my load. They’d be awfully miserable that they couldn’t finish their work, making them a casualty of my wrath. Not cool, is it?

Resolution: Instead of plotting my revenge, I decided to meditate more, calming my mind, which led to my focusing more on graduating to get a high-paying career, instead of a low-paying job. In the end, I passively got revenge by not giving him the satisfaction of slowly destroying me at work, but most importantly, no one else had to suffer for my actions. It’s still tough but it’s a work in progress.

Now Your turn: There are many ways to evade plotting vengeance. Here are three ideas:

– Express yourself to the person you are at odds with. Sometimes, people don’t realize the misery they are causing us.
– Be mindful of the people who might get caught in your crossfire. You might find that you’ll take a different route and still find relief
– Work on your emotions. Our emotions affect the way we respond to things and we can save ourselves, our rivals and the “victims” from unnecessary conflict.

Moral of the story: Sure, there are more severe cases than the abovementioned, but if we took the time, you’d be surprised that you really could find a way to make your life just a little or a lot easier. Don’t worry, at some point or another, good receives good and bad receives bad without you having anything to do with it.

Leave me alone, HAPPY!

Leave me alone, HAPPY!

Sounds crazy, right? I mean, why on earth would you want happiness to leave you alone? Well, I’ll tell you why. Many of us spend so much time being unhappy that we have befriended it. We wake up, eat, sleep, drink, and go to sleep with it. We even make love to it knowing we are unhappy with the person we are intimate with. We have allowed it to be of great importance to us. We were used to it and made it our BFF so why should happiness just “up” and come into our lives, sometimes unannounced? How dare it? Well, we invited it, of course, and for good reason. We decided that we were over our BFF and so we dumped it.

Now, happiness scares us because it now presents us with new challenges that we didn’t think we’d ever have to face such as devotion and commitment and in order for happiness to stay in our lives we have to devote ourselves to the things that bring us joy, lessen our pain and give us hope. Ughhh, the nerve of happiness to have such terms. Happiness brings us fear because it feels so wonderful that we are afraid it will be taken away from us and so whenever we feel it arising (a smile, chills down our spine, happy heart palpitations or tears of joy), we immediately disregard it and take the negative vehicle that drives us to lose our motivation, our focus, until we are knocking at unhappiness’s door! We have once again arrived at our most comfortable destination.

THE SOLUTION

How do we dump unhappiness once and for all? Realize that paint is not going to turn another color just because you are watching the wall…you have to grab the paintbrush and start brushing. Then, happily and consciously paint away all of those reasons you have stayed unhappy and proclaim your right to finally be free of it! You deserve happiness, regardless of how many times you believe you have failed or someone has failed you. I know it is hard, believe me, I do, but what’s the point of having wings if you refuse to fly? Keep in mind that it has taken a great deal of time and effort to breed negativity into your life and it will take just as much effort, time, plus PATIENCE to finally recover from it and completely start over. If you know how wonderful you are and keep telling yourself that every single day you won’t be the only one to see it…happiness will see it too and will befriend you-Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Get ready for the best friend you will ever have and hold on tightly to it, for it only goes away when you stop believing in it.

Mind over Matter

Mind really is over matter. Your mind can make you things are so just because you expected it to be that way. For example: I had two cups by my desk this morning. One filled with coffee and the other with warm water. Not paying attention, I grabbed the cup of water and expected it to taste like coffee. For a moment I was disgusted by the taste of the water because it was “supposed” to taste like coffee until I realized it was the wrong cup. Once I realized it was water I accepted and smiled, regardless of me wanting taste coffee, lol. Lesson: Things are not always what they seem or what we expect them to be. We have to accept and enjoy…or in my case “sip and enjoy”.

Life and Death

On my way from work I saw a dead baby bird on the sidewalk.  Immediately, I started feeling down.  My negative emotions started to take control.  The bird’s color had faded and was nothing more than a memory of what was.  Then, not five minutes later after that “moment”, the most beautiful bird flew past me.  I had never seen such a thing in real life.  Its colors were vibrant, almost highlighted.  This bird was so full of life that my emotions suddenly became alive.  I was no longer consumed by the grief of a bird that, inevitably would have died just like every living being.  I decided that the emotion I wanted to have was that of the bird that stopped me dead in my tracks, saying, “Look at me!  I’m alive!”  The fact is we all live.  We all die and sooner or later our brilliant colors will fade away.  So, while I am aLIVE I will LIVE because once it is over it is over and I would have missed my chance to simply be beautiful….and free!